blog.exe

12.15.24

move

"move"

one bit of instruction always helps us out of depression and anxiety - that is to MOVE. it's said that moving a muscle can change a thought. we find that to be true. today i am feeling a strange mix of hopeful and indifferent. it's that blend of care and non-care, which is, i suppose, the balance of life. it's the being able to hold onto something, but only loosely--to sway with the wind without being blown over and swept away.

i like finding a new project to learn about and toil away with. i try very hard to demystify it...and that is where the trouble lies. i become disenchanted once i feel like i've figured something out--not master it, mind you, just the feeling of figuring it out.

there must be somthing deeper driving that tendency in me. at it's core it feels like i am just trying to prove my adherence to the "rightness" of any given thing. as if i am showing my ability to follow suit, to comprehend and obey. but who is it that i am trying to be exemplary. i know who it is. it is the same who it always is--god.

i was in heaven

i was in hell

believe in neither

but fear them as well.

friends